My struggle has been like a warm foggy night
When I hold the expectation for rain to fall and ruin the ends of my pants
But it's only foggy as I frenzy around avoiding puddles
Meanwhile, missing out on the smiling man who hop-skips next to me
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Finding My Way Back to Myself
My worn tennis shoes hit the pavement as fast as they could, with tears flooding my eyes and melodies of old James Taylor songs filling my ears. In mixed droplets of sweat and tears, emotions of nostalgia came teeming down, soaking into my green girls soccer sweatshirt. I had been on a serious autopilot mission, flying a plane that was bound to crash. And then it did. I could not take the unhappiness, insecurity, constant obligation, or restlessness any longer. So I took flight and began to run, literally and figuratively. Finally no more hovering just below the stratosphere in fear of losing my breath. I just let myself soar, let myself suffocate, let myself die so I could come back to life. It was finally time to cry for my neglected spirit, and sweat for my determination to find myself again.
I've found that my most effective ways of coming back to myself have been through action. Exercising has been very helpful in catapulting pro-activity, and following exercise, I tend to feel much more inclined to speak up about how I'm feeling, say what I mean, do what I want to do, and generally experience more clarity. The more I put aside my obligations for a bit, and listen and respond to my most important obligation--my inner spirit's need for spontaneity--the better off I am.
I'm learning what roles I play best in organizations, and taking myself out of the roles that do not energize me. While all work takes some energy out of a person, the passion and enjoyment gained from one's commitments should make up for the energy exerted. And when that reciprocity falls short, the deal is no longer worth it.
For those of you who have felt this draining reality of giving out more energy than you receive compensation for, I hope you find the chance to listen to your inner spirit's needs--whatever they may be--and let yourself respond to them through action rather than thought. From experience I can say that we can all spend a very long time thinking about what we want or need to do to change our lives for the better. And sometimes that time sorting through thought is very important. But maybe I'm wrong about that. Maybe we need to just listen for a minute and then GO FOR IT! (Whatever it may be).
I think we might all still possess part of that inner-child who needs to be told time and again a task before actually cooperating. Cooperation in general is hard, and surprisingly, even when we're the ones telling ourselves what to do.
However, I want to leave with a message of confidence. I know that I can listen to myself. Because if I can't listen to mySELF, who can I really listen to? I mean, I'm pretty sure I know myself better than I know anyone else. And so I must start treating myself with the love and care of a good friend. I must start uncovering my needs and listening to them. And I know that I can.
The cliche sayings ring true: "To thy own self be true", "Follow your heart", "Love yourself".
I'm creating the space I need to find my way back to myself. It could be a long process with small steps, but every step I take I praise myself for taking, and every step I want to take I encourage myself to take.
We don't have to be a generation so busy that we become lost from ourselves. I believe we are much more authentic and brave than that. What do you think?
I've found that my most effective ways of coming back to myself have been through action. Exercising has been very helpful in catapulting pro-activity, and following exercise, I tend to feel much more inclined to speak up about how I'm feeling, say what I mean, do what I want to do, and generally experience more clarity. The more I put aside my obligations for a bit, and listen and respond to my most important obligation--my inner spirit's need for spontaneity--the better off I am.
I'm learning what roles I play best in organizations, and taking myself out of the roles that do not energize me. While all work takes some energy out of a person, the passion and enjoyment gained from one's commitments should make up for the energy exerted. And when that reciprocity falls short, the deal is no longer worth it.
For those of you who have felt this draining reality of giving out more energy than you receive compensation for, I hope you find the chance to listen to your inner spirit's needs--whatever they may be--and let yourself respond to them through action rather than thought. From experience I can say that we can all spend a very long time thinking about what we want or need to do to change our lives for the better. And sometimes that time sorting through thought is very important. But maybe I'm wrong about that. Maybe we need to just listen for a minute and then GO FOR IT! (Whatever it may be).
I think we might all still possess part of that inner-child who needs to be told time and again a task before actually cooperating. Cooperation in general is hard, and surprisingly, even when we're the ones telling ourselves what to do.
However, I want to leave with a message of confidence. I know that I can listen to myself. Because if I can't listen to mySELF, who can I really listen to? I mean, I'm pretty sure I know myself better than I know anyone else. And so I must start treating myself with the love and care of a good friend. I must start uncovering my needs and listening to them. And I know that I can.
The cliche sayings ring true: "To thy own self be true", "Follow your heart", "Love yourself".
I'm creating the space I need to find my way back to myself. It could be a long process with small steps, but every step I take I praise myself for taking, and every step I want to take I encourage myself to take.
We don't have to be a generation so busy that we become lost from ourselves. I believe we are much more authentic and brave than that. What do you think?
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