Here's what my life has looked like for the past 4 weeks and will look like for the next 2:
Mon-Thursday: 9am-noon Spanish class, 12:30-3:00 (more or less) Community Service-Learning Office work, 6pm-1:30am college perk coffeehouse work (Tues & Thurs), free time?=spanish homework, lots of it...and occasional reading of of Rumi & Chomsky (I know, stark contrast)
Fri-Sun: Either at retreats, conferences, family weekends, or the like. In other words, Never Making Space To Create.
And there's just So Much Boiling Inside.
But soon enough I will be on an airplane to SPAIN and then taking a bus tour with my mom for 2 weeks through Madrid, Barcelona, southern France, and Italy. It will be sweet, sweet bliss and adventure. And I am terribly excited. (And will be terribly broke, despite working 2 jobs this summer :) Abroad, I will either write endlessly in my journal as we travel, or let even more thoughts steam-up inside of me so that when I get home and my schedule is finally freed up, I will have no time for anyone or thing but my art to finally boil over.
Anything boiling over for you? Tell me of the sweet nothings you finally have time for this summer... I'd love to hear of them.
besos, mi amigas.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Special Package Deal: Motivation Included!
On my important to-do list for this very evening:
-fill out application for International Volunteerism conference in Taiwan
All essays combined = about 2,000 words total. I know I've cramed papers in this amount of time before.. and what better motivation than a free trip to Taiwan for 5 days!
Topics include natural resources and environmental protection, past community service involvement, and volunteerism and world citizenship.
Oh, did I mention if I get this application filled out by tomorrow I can go to Taiwan for FREE?? All expenses paid by UMD's President Mote! (That is, if I get chosen, of course...)
Off I go.... write, write, write!
Kisses
PS-"Keep It There" by The Weepies has kept me going lately.
"All my troubles in the rear view mirror
I know, I know I got to keep them there
To Keep Them There..."
********ADDENDUM*********
I finished! Check out the conference website!
http://osa.nccu.edu.tw/~activity/ICSL/Welcome.html
heheheeee... this is me super excited and proud of myself that i actually filled out the damn mile long application!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
So much overdue...
It's always these late nights after long days that my creative juices start flowing... But then just when I find time for my mind's muses to whisper words onto paper, all of the overdue stories and ideas cram into one big brain-jam of memory-traffic and it all just crashes into the hazy mess that is known as my vast and hard-to-reach memory.
And there they go...stories of a woman who predicted my future, or a $100 parking ticket, or the beauty of diverse nudity, or a kind man with a severe stutter, or a profesora de espanol fantastico, or a Gatsby-esq beach community, or a family tree that tuned into a priceless life history, or the same 2 Andrew Bird songs that make me feel alive on my 10 minute drive to work, or a simple stranger's smile, or the nerve to say no, or the courage to say yes, or the very moment when i knew that. . .
But I feel calm as these stories float adrift from the pressure to be recorded-to be held still in space and time. When the time is right, these stories will find a place for safe preservation. Until then, I'll just carry them close, bound to my heart, woven into my step, payed forward to those I reach with my smile and soul.
Until the stories surface for your reading, take a look at this:
[Judy, Me, Kathleen & Jodi enjoying some smoothies&schnapps before Jo & Kat ventured up to summer camp in Maine]
Besos,
Rach
And there they go...stories of a woman who predicted my future, or a $100 parking ticket, or the beauty of diverse nudity, or a kind man with a severe stutter, or a profesora de espanol fantastico, or a Gatsby-esq beach community, or a family tree that tuned into a priceless life history, or the same 2 Andrew Bird songs that make me feel alive on my 10 minute drive to work, or a simple stranger's smile, or the nerve to say no, or the courage to say yes, or the very moment when i knew that. . .
But I feel calm as these stories float adrift from the pressure to be recorded-to be held still in space and time. When the time is right, these stories will find a place for safe preservation. Until then, I'll just carry them close, bound to my heart, woven into my step, payed forward to those I reach with my smile and soul.
Until the stories surface for your reading, take a look at this:
[Judy, Me, Kathleen & Jodi enjoying some smoothies&schnapps before Jo & Kat ventured up to summer camp in Maine]
Besos,
Rach
Monday, June 11, 2007
20 songs for the summer
I have a fun tradition of making a mix cd (or 2) at the start of each season. This summer, the tunes are uplifting, full, and light...all at the same time! (And very lovey-dovey, might I add). Oh, the bliss of music's many dimensions.
1. La Nueva Belleza - Jason Mraz (in honor of the Espanol class I'm taking... which I will soon be posting about. Preview: I Love it!)
2. I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
3. Love Love Love - Tristan Prettyman
4. Loving You - Paolo Nutini (This whole album is so fun & uplifting!)
5. Peaceful Easy Feeling - The Eagles
6. By & By - Brett Dennen
7. Mushaboom - Feist
8. Get It While You Can - Janis Joplin
9. On the Radio - Regina Spektor
10. Moving, Shaking - Daniel Lee (Master of Music...didja know? danielleemusic.com; check him out. He's also a beautiful soul)
11. Living Life - Ben Kweller
12. She's Only Happy In the Sun - Ben Harper (beautiful, and seasonally appropriate, but not true for me. i'm really happy in the rain. and you?)
13. Upside Down - Jack Johnson
14. The River of Dreams - Billy Joel
15. For Once In My Life - Stevie Wonder
16. Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette
17. Ohio - Crosby Stills Nash & Young
18. Find the Cost of Freedom - Crosby Stills Nash & Young (time appropriate...)
19. A Change Is Gonna Come - Otis Redding (another time appropriate one, my heart and hopes believe)
20. Shroud - Ani Difranco (because no mix is complete without this incredible womyn's insight)
You'd think I was in love, or something... which is actually quite funny. I think I'm just finding the love in daily morsels and mistakes. And feeling like some good pop music.
Dance a little today!
paz y amor, amigas.
1. La Nueva Belleza - Jason Mraz (in honor of the Espanol class I'm taking... which I will soon be posting about. Preview: I Love it!)
2. I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
3. Love Love Love - Tristan Prettyman
4. Loving You - Paolo Nutini (This whole album is so fun & uplifting!)
5. Peaceful Easy Feeling - The Eagles
6. By & By - Brett Dennen
7. Mushaboom - Feist
8. Get It While You Can - Janis Joplin
9. On the Radio - Regina Spektor
10. Moving, Shaking - Daniel Lee (Master of Music...didja know? danielleemusic.com; check him out. He's also a beautiful soul)
11. Living Life - Ben Kweller
12. She's Only Happy In the Sun - Ben Harper (beautiful, and seasonally appropriate, but not true for me. i'm really happy in the rain. and you?)
13. Upside Down - Jack Johnson
14. The River of Dreams - Billy Joel
15. For Once In My Life - Stevie Wonder
16. Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette
17. Ohio - Crosby Stills Nash & Young
18. Find the Cost of Freedom - Crosby Stills Nash & Young (time appropriate...)
19. A Change Is Gonna Come - Otis Redding (another time appropriate one, my heart and hopes believe)
20. Shroud - Ani Difranco (because no mix is complete without this incredible womyn's insight)
You'd think I was in love, or something... which is actually quite funny. I think I'm just finding the love in daily morsels and mistakes. And feeling like some good pop music.
Dance a little today!
paz y amor, amigas.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
More on Love and Letting Go
This afternoon I finally busted out the watercolors that Brian bought me for the holidays and splashed my paint brushes into the new medium. After scribbling the words onto paper then carefully cutting them each out, I found there just wasn't space to paste them atop the painting without the whole thing looking smushed. So into the trash the words flew, and onto the paint my sharpie scribed. It's a first, so I hope you like it. Click on the image to enlarge and read. And enjoy!
ps-I'm aware of the extra "l" in resilient. There's something I like about it, though. Imperfection at it's best :)
Cheers.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
The truth about Soul Mates...
On the front gate of a perfect southern house in the grand but humble Magazine, New Orleans.
I sat on the McKeldon Mall for hours today letting the sun attach to my skin. I was so enamored by Liz Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love" (pictured below) as it spoke directly to my soul, that I didn't even bother lathering the SPF 8 "sunscreen" I packed. I just read. The bell chimed at 1pm, then again at 2, 3 and eventually 4 in the afternoon. I was in book reading heaven. Ironically reading about what one could call heavenly experiences. And to top it all off, when the grass itching sensation pushed me to the limit, I got up, walked over to the reflection fountain, and plopped myself down where my feet could dangle in the water and the sun could kiss me with her warm calming presence.
So now, filled to the brim with Gilbert's inspiring memoirs (and some crispy skin), I have nothing left to do but spill. This passage is long, but spoke to me in so many ways. Perhaps you, too, will discover some piece of this passage whispering truth in your ear. Enjoy...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed he was my soul mate."
"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is you just can't let this one go...You can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby--you're just lickin' at an empty can trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."
"But I love him."
"So love him."
"But I miss him."
"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot--a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel so overwhelmed with emotion thinking about Gilbert's (or rather, the guy from Texas who's talking's) "working definition" of what a soul mate really is. I want to cry, laugh, smile, hug, kiss, jump with joy, and sit in a still moment of gratitude and awe. In my life there have been a beautiful handful of people who have helped show me layers of myself I was not yet able to recognize (romantically and platonically). I mean, people who really dug into me, and with me, and through me to help me see myself and my potential. Some of these people still remain close to me, continuing this process. Some have found new soul mates who've steered them away from me. Others have become people I have an annual hour-long phone conversation with, and if we're lucky, a nice lunch date. But regardless of current rapport, all of these people will always be close to my soul because they have helped it glow and illuminate and blossom. For this, I am forever grateful.
Feel free to share your thoughts on this idea below.
With love and freedom <3
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
For Living in the NOW
I can lose so much by creating a strict route for myself and hesitating to venture down other's paths. I can also lose so much by completely surrendering to love and blurring the vision of my own direction.
But the beam of balance is not impossible to walk. This I am learning with every inhibition I free, and every step I take through the permission of my intuition and heart. And it's so refreshing.
On a similar but different note, I've been thinking a lot about...well about the layers of my mind I've been working with to wake myself up to my present reality.
Renewal can be like that--like stepping into a an old pair of jeans but seeing a new YOU in the mirror wearing them. You wonder if you can pull them off in a way that's daring, stylish, and brave, but still that same comfortable fit. And then eventually, when you or someone else finally knocks some sense into ya', you realize the answer is yes. Yes-you can pull off feeling different, and feeling good. Yes-you can pull off feeling free, young and vibrant in the same pants you've worn for years (you know, the ones so worn that a hole is forming where your legs rub together). Yes-you can change, without having to change your pants. (Even those pants--the pants with the holes!)
But sometimes, even despite your mind's inspiring realizations, your intuition tells you to take off your pants and throw on a dress (or just go naked!). And that's okay, too.
I'm finally learning that all of the world won't conspire and spin just to guarantee my so-called-wonderful life-plan works out. Even after I've measured things to the T and positioned everything so that there's no way the plan would fail, the most unexpected and flat-out unbelievable fluke could happen--I myself could be the very thorn in my own damn back ruining my own perfect plan. Or better yet, and less dramatically pessimistic and self-loathing--experiences could happen to me, perfectly by chance, that are beautiful and raw and not neatly drawn into my blue prints. Who would have thought?
And so it goes: I hereby announce that I am tossing the plan out the window. (Maybe not 100%. I mean, after all it *is* written on toilet paper and I *am* still holding onto the end of the roll. But damn it!-the foot after foot of fantasies that become expectations that become necessities written in stone in order to feed and please my soul don't have to be what I wipe my ass with every single day. I could just get some BLANK TOILET PAPER!) So like I said--out the window it goes. My mind will be more free of preconceived requirements, and more open to listening to my heart's intuition. To the best of my ability, that is. After all, I don't want to make any plans...
But the beam of balance is not impossible to walk. This I am learning with every inhibition I free, and every step I take through the permission of my intuition and heart. And it's so refreshing.
On a similar but different note, I've been thinking a lot about...well about the layers of my mind I've been working with to wake myself up to my present reality.
Renewal can be like that--like stepping into a an old pair of jeans but seeing a new YOU in the mirror wearing them. You wonder if you can pull them off in a way that's daring, stylish, and brave, but still that same comfortable fit. And then eventually, when you or someone else finally knocks some sense into ya', you realize the answer is yes. Yes-you can pull off feeling different, and feeling good. Yes-you can pull off feeling free, young and vibrant in the same pants you've worn for years (you know, the ones so worn that a hole is forming where your legs rub together). Yes-you can change, without having to change your pants. (Even those pants--the pants with the holes!)
But sometimes, even despite your mind's inspiring realizations, your intuition tells you to take off your pants and throw on a dress (or just go naked!). And that's okay, too.
I'm finally learning that all of the world won't conspire and spin just to guarantee my so-called-wonderful life-plan works out. Even after I've measured things to the T and positioned everything so that there's no way the plan would fail, the most unexpected and flat-out unbelievable fluke could happen--I myself could be the very thorn in my own damn back ruining my own perfect plan. Or better yet, and less dramatically pessimistic and self-loathing--experiences could happen to me, perfectly by chance, that are beautiful and raw and not neatly drawn into my blue prints. Who would have thought?
And so it goes: I hereby announce that I am tossing the plan out the window. (Maybe not 100%. I mean, after all it *is* written on toilet paper and I *am* still holding onto the end of the roll. But damn it!-the foot after foot of fantasies that become expectations that become necessities written in stone in order to feed and please my soul don't have to be what I wipe my ass with every single day. I could just get some BLANK TOILET PAPER!) So like I said--out the window it goes. My mind will be more free of preconceived requirements, and more open to listening to my heart's intuition. To the best of my ability, that is. After all, I don't want to make any plans...
Friday, May 25, 2007
My Newest Friends
These women authors really know how to dig into my mind and put on paper the thoughts I can't quite express...The truths I haven't quite mastered the art of seeing...
Both of these novels are so thrillingly honest and beautiful all the while. My type-100%. The best of the best summer readings for a young girl trying to grapple with the hard disappointments and realities of life, all the while finding beauty in the process--perhaps through a spiritual connection to divinity, or perhaps through seeing all that's powerful and beautiful and perfect--as is--about who I am in this very moment of self.
Some of my own words to follow soon. The markers and cardstock are tossed across my floor along side the clothing I still have yet to put away from college. Tidiness' time will come. Besides, the wrinkled look is in these days, right? Regardless, soon enough I will muster the courage to share with you my raw thoughts of late. But not before I finish racking my brain of them. It's been a fun and exciting endeavor--to feel like an artist again--wild and free with nothing but my own damn thoughts to limit me...and then finding a way to break the shackles.
Cheers.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Honesty
I mean, honestly...
For how long
Must we
Pretend
Cover up
Shield
Mask
and
Distract
All in the name
Of looking
Relaxed?
If Feeling Fearful
means
Feeling Bad
Shoot me
I
am
Paralized
in
Chance.
For how long
Must we
Pretend
Cover up
Shield
Mask
and
Distract
All in the name
Of looking
Relaxed?
If Feeling Fearful
means
Feeling Bad
Shoot me
I
am
Paralized
in
Chance.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Youth
In the most appreciative way possible I realized on Mother's Day my humble and exciting position in life. I AM YOUNG--despite the unyeilding momentum inside that's pushing me to grow, grow, grow!--without ever stopping to enjoy my immaturity and youth.
Under Pressure anyone? Yes, the David Bowie song. It's sort of like that: there's something so appealing and catchy about that damn song. It's almost addicting. The pressure, the build up, the anxiety, the thrill, the committment to Bowie. But songs like "Peaceful Easy Feeling" by The Eagles or "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz are so much more soothing, relaxing, and enjoyable in an authentic and wholesome way.
I want to let myself have that Peaceful Easy Feeling. I wonder, though, if I'm copping out by wanting to just RELAX and let myself be without pushing myself to become more than what's natural or authentic to who I am. It seems backwards to try to make myself grow, when so much natural growth is already occuring at this stage in my life.
Perhaps regardless of age, at some point we have to find a way to feel free inside ourselves--that youthful openness to who we are and how we interact with others. And sometimes that consists of letting go for a while.
The question is what needs letting go of?
Under Pressure anyone? Yes, the David Bowie song. It's sort of like that: there's something so appealing and catchy about that damn song. It's almost addicting. The pressure, the build up, the anxiety, the thrill, the committment to Bowie. But songs like "Peaceful Easy Feeling" by The Eagles or "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz are so much more soothing, relaxing, and enjoyable in an authentic and wholesome way.
I want to let myself have that Peaceful Easy Feeling. I wonder, though, if I'm copping out by wanting to just RELAX and let myself be without pushing myself to become more than what's natural or authentic to who I am. It seems backwards to try to make myself grow, when so much natural growth is already occuring at this stage in my life.
Perhaps regardless of age, at some point we have to find a way to feel free inside ourselves--that youthful openness to who we are and how we interact with others. And sometimes that consists of letting go for a while.
The question is what needs letting go of?
A Tribute to Beauty
Being with my mom & bubby on mother's day was a true gift. Their warmth and silly spirits reminded me so much of who I come from and owe tremendous thanks.
Thanks, Mikey for picking a great gal! Courtney filled so many empty spaces in my life at UMD. Whichever direction she picks to go in the next few weeks, I know she'll be making the right decision...and I know we'll remain close.
And for all of the secret gardens we venture off to on our bikes, sitting with friends without needing to talk... Let them be our portals into the thrilling unknown future full of promise.
In two days, my fourth semester of college will be over, and a wild summer will be at the foot of my door. My door in College Park because I won't be moving home this summer. I'll be sharing a big bed in a small room with Judy, exploring, venturing, painting, dreaming, and becoming a little bit closer to ourselves and each other. I'm taking a Spanish class to prepare for my study abroad in Buenos Aires, and working at the Community Service Learning office on campus.
Have no fear--updates will be short and plenty.
What beauty is at the foot of your door on this gorgeous pollen-full spring day?
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Leading Ourselves to Lead Others (and a tribute to all the incredible mothers out there)
This semester I took an incredible course on women's leadership taught by two of the most amazing and inspriational women I have ever met. It was an intimate class, with about 20 women, and we sat in a circle for 3 hours a week sharing our dreams, fears, beliefs, goals, and visions. Each week we were responsible for writing a journal on a different topic (sometimes there was no topic and we could reflect on whatever we wanted), and one week in particular, we had to write a journal on 3 interviews we conducted over the course of the semester. The assignment was to interview 3 women in our life about what leadership means to them and the role that it has played in their lives. Below is the piece I came up with. I hope you find something noteworthy to take from my experience. With love, encouragment, and gratitude--Rach
“First we are children to our parents, then parents to our children, then parents to our parents, then children to our children,” (Milton Greenblatt). The cycle of learning and caring for one another is an ongoing process full of opportunity to lead, follow, and most importantly known when it's time empower ourselves or pass the baton. Throughout my interviews with three amazing people, all of different generations and with different relationships to me, a certain theme was born as they talked of leadership: self-awareness and inner happiness leading to empowerment and unity with others. Nuerrdina from Off Campus Housing, Lauren, a freshman from New Jersey, and my beautiful mother, a teacher of 32 years and counting, were the three women I thought would make great subjects for these interviews on leadership. It was amazing to hear their views and how they’ve lived, succeeded, and struggled with leadership's ongoing process.
I walked into Nuerrdina’s Off Campus Housing office at 1:55 p.m. for our 2 p.m. meeting. Luckily, because it was an open workspace, I had the special opportunity of observing her before we even started talking. She was helping a student brainstorm ideas for a difficult paper, but not like any old person asking mediocore questions. No, Nuerrdina was impressive with this! She spoke earnestly to the young woman and said, “It’s not about what your opinion is…it’s about how well you can support it and how deeply you are willing to dig to find answers that are real for you. You can’t just provide fluff that sounds good. You have to understand fully why you believe something in order to make a case for it.” Immediately I knew that Nuerrdina exemplified a special aspect of what I view as leadership—a person’s willingness and commitment to questioning individual beliefs in order to develop a strong sense of self.
Later when I asked Nuerrdina what she thought some defining traits of leadership were, she took the notion of developing a strong sense of self to another level. She said, “[leadership is] the practice of self-refinement through community action. We will always be building a self that we and others can rely on…Remember, that it is not really about you and at the same time, has everything to do with you. "Leadership" is about positive social change or liberation, through community action.” Do you hear the Ghandi tone in Nuerrdina's words?—in order to make change through community action, you must have first made change within yourself. ("Be the change you wish to see in the world").
Well, Neurrdina has definitely taken on the challenge of developing a strong sense of self as the foundation for community action. When we first sat down for our interview and I was reintroducing the purpose, I told Neurrdina that I wanted to get a sense of what another woman thought about leadership based off of her own life experiences. This is where I was quickly put in my place and reminded that even something seemingly obveous is not something we can always assume to be true.
“Well first of all I don’t consider myself a woman. I’m gender queer. I’m not a gender, I DO gender.” While I felt slightly embarrassed at my unawareness, I was so glad that Neurrdina had the guts, comfort and confidence to make sure I understood that part of her identity. (Do I use the word “her”?) See, the lines that our society uses to identify people, needs such serious bending (or dismantling all together). But it’s not going to change without individuals changing it. That’s where it takes true leadership in the form of courage, awareness and a sense of self to stand up in declaration for a worthy cause. Some believe that leadership has to mean one person intentionally leading a group of others. But usually, it is the individuals who have figured out how to lead themselves that become true leaders and role models to us all. As a result, they really understand the way to accomplish community action, because they have that solid understanding of the cause, and motivation from the deepest parts of their heart to push until the cause is accomplished.
While interviewing my friend Lauren, a similar idea of what she viewed as leadership came out. I asked Lauren who in her life displays the most leadership and what traits that person possesses. I was expecting her to say someone at the university who is really involved. But she ended up answering her 8th grade science teacher, Kim. Why? It wasn’t because she was doing a lot to lead others intentionally or taking on particular “leadership roles." It was because of her strong sense of individuality. Since 8th grade, Lauren has developed a close friendship with Kim, and she had this to say about her:
“Kim never feels the need to categorize herself or let others define her or what she should be doing with her life.” Lauren went on, “she has the courage to always stand up for what she thinks is right, regardless of whether or not people will follow her. She’ll be the first to stand up if something’s wrong and would love to have people back her up, but doesn’t need them to.”
Similar to the way I see Neurrdina as a leader, Lauren sees Kim as a leader because she has the awareness to lead herself. So many of us, myself included, are constantly working to strike a balance within ourselves that will lead us where we want to be going, rather than just the direction that mainstream society points us in. Perhaps when we master the balance enough so that we can reach beyond ourselves and lead a GROUP in a direction more powerful than mainstream society…perhaps that is reaching a pivotal point in leadership.
But being a leader isn’t easy. Once you’ve become an example of a leader, you constantly have people looking up to you as such, and that creates a lot of responsibility and pressure. Lauren put it well when she said, “as a leader you’re constantly being judged, and if you mess up, the responsibility falls on you. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself in this position.” And I think that really brings us back to the idea of having a strong sense of self, as well as viewing leadership as a constant work in progress. A person is never complete in their position as a leader. There is always room for improvement and struggles that will come up no matter how much experience a person has. That’s why it’s critical for a leader to be confident in who they are, but also flexible and willing to learn. A leader should not be emotionally torn apart by criticism, but they also should not ignore it’s value. To be a good leader you must constantly be working to stay balanced within yourself and among the group you’re working with.
My mother also talked about finding “inner happiness” as a priority in her life, and an essential component to being a truly extraordinary leader. After being a teacher for over 30 years she said, “in ways you have to be a leader for others…You have to learn how to run and organize things, as well as foster a positive group dynamic among your co-workers.” But when it comes to leading herself, my mom, like so many others, is still working on “enjoying life” despite the task of “getting through the daily grind and just doing what you have to do.”
My mom talked about how before she got married she was such a free spirit and adventurer. And then she slipped into grumbling about the “daily grind”—the responsibility and routine lifestyle that occurs when you take on a full time job and marriage. At this point in our conversation I started to feel very worried about ever experiencing the bore of going through the motions, and instantly decided that I would never get married or have a stable job! Just kidding. But in all seriousness, my mom said that there were two things that made the idea of settling down all worth it: a job that was exciting and energizing, and becoming a mother.
My mom has a lot to say when I asked her to define leadership. She said, “Fostering a positive outcome and guiding people, but allowing consensus and listening to opinions… It’s facilitating, a good leader is a good facilitator. The humanistic part of it is also important and a lot of people fail to consider that. You have to be educated in understanding personality types, strengths and weaknesses, and pulling on the strengths. This means giving a lot of positive reinforcement, acknowledging people’s accomplishments, and making sure that they know that you know how valuable they are. And also guiding and helping those who are less experienced or are having difficulties in something.”
When my mom spit out this definition of leadership, I thought to myself, wow...I’m my mother’s daughter! I really saw myself in her definition, and had this childish smirk on my face that read: My mom's a rockstar. I'm going to be just like her when I grow up! So naturally, I asked her what she thought leadership had to do with being a mother, or being in a family. To which she replied, “Everything. Being a mother was one of the strongest forces in teaching me how to be a leader. All of the things I just mentioned you have to learn how to do in a family… Especially listening to each other and working with people’s strengths.”
Before having this conversation with my mother, I usually envisioned leadership as something that most women only have energy for until they get married, start a family, and get into the “daily grind”. People are always saying, “be a leader now because once you get out of college you won’t have nearly as much energy as you do now.” But after talking with my mother about this, I’m realizing that there are so many women leaders everywhere you turn…especially in homes across the world, fostering beautiful families and still managing to contribute to society in such valuable ways—even if it’s “only” through raising children who will be engaged citizens. That is such a difficult, challenging, and important task that takes tremendous heaps of energy and does not receive nearly enough credit or attention. (Thank you to all the incredible mom's, or people raising children out there!)
I initially wanted to ask my mom how she tought women could be more engaged in society and simultaneously raise a family. But after looking back and hearing my mom speak on these topics, I've realized that my mom is satisfied with the way she's lived her life. She really believes that every day of her working life as a teacher she was contributing to society in such a huge way by educating children, and this has been fulfilling, meaningful, and enough.
In writing this, I’m realizing that I have a slightly different view of what it means to be a leader than I did before these interviews. Perhaps being a leader is really striving to fulfill your own life’s purpose. When I asked each person what their biggest priority is in life right now, they all answered something different. But they also all went on to talk about how they’re trying to make their priority a reality. To me, that’s leadership. Each person has a different purpose and reason for being here. But oftentimes, people go through an entire lifetime without ever really finding, acknowledging or fulfilling their purpose. When you ask the average person who they think the greatest leaders are, you get so many different answers. People are different and have such varying views on things. But nevertheless, a leader is someone who proactively attempts to fulfill their own life’s vision. I never realized what an incredible role model and leader my mother is until realizing that she is fulfilling HER purpose. In the end, we all have a purpose worth finding that is truly unique and individual. Therefore, we all have the capability to be leaders, if for no one else, at least ourselves.
“First we are children to our parents, then parents to our children, then parents to our parents, then children to our children,” (Milton Greenblatt). The cycle of learning and caring for one another is an ongoing process full of opportunity to lead, follow, and most importantly known when it's time empower ourselves or pass the baton. Throughout my interviews with three amazing people, all of different generations and with different relationships to me, a certain theme was born as they talked of leadership: self-awareness and inner happiness leading to empowerment and unity with others. Nuerrdina from Off Campus Housing, Lauren, a freshman from New Jersey, and my beautiful mother, a teacher of 32 years and counting, were the three women I thought would make great subjects for these interviews on leadership. It was amazing to hear their views and how they’ve lived, succeeded, and struggled with leadership's ongoing process.
I walked into Nuerrdina’s Off Campus Housing office at 1:55 p.m. for our 2 p.m. meeting. Luckily, because it was an open workspace, I had the special opportunity of observing her before we even started talking. She was helping a student brainstorm ideas for a difficult paper, but not like any old person asking mediocore questions. No, Nuerrdina was impressive with this! She spoke earnestly to the young woman and said, “It’s not about what your opinion is…it’s about how well you can support it and how deeply you are willing to dig to find answers that are real for you. You can’t just provide fluff that sounds good. You have to understand fully why you believe something in order to make a case for it.” Immediately I knew that Nuerrdina exemplified a special aspect of what I view as leadership—a person’s willingness and commitment to questioning individual beliefs in order to develop a strong sense of self.
Later when I asked Nuerrdina what she thought some defining traits of leadership were, she took the notion of developing a strong sense of self to another level. She said, “[leadership is] the practice of self-refinement through community action. We will always be building a self that we and others can rely on…Remember, that it is not really about you and at the same time, has everything to do with you. "Leadership" is about positive social change or liberation, through community action.” Do you hear the Ghandi tone in Nuerrdina's words?—in order to make change through community action, you must have first made change within yourself. ("Be the change you wish to see in the world").
Well, Neurrdina has definitely taken on the challenge of developing a strong sense of self as the foundation for community action. When we first sat down for our interview and I was reintroducing the purpose, I told Neurrdina that I wanted to get a sense of what another woman thought about leadership based off of her own life experiences. This is where I was quickly put in my place and reminded that even something seemingly obveous is not something we can always assume to be true.
“Well first of all I don’t consider myself a woman. I’m gender queer. I’m not a gender, I DO gender.” While I felt slightly embarrassed at my unawareness, I was so glad that Neurrdina had the guts, comfort and confidence to make sure I understood that part of her identity. (Do I use the word “her”?) See, the lines that our society uses to identify people, needs such serious bending (or dismantling all together). But it’s not going to change without individuals changing it. That’s where it takes true leadership in the form of courage, awareness and a sense of self to stand up in declaration for a worthy cause. Some believe that leadership has to mean one person intentionally leading a group of others. But usually, it is the individuals who have figured out how to lead themselves that become true leaders and role models to us all. As a result, they really understand the way to accomplish community action, because they have that solid understanding of the cause, and motivation from the deepest parts of their heart to push until the cause is accomplished.
While interviewing my friend Lauren, a similar idea of what she viewed as leadership came out. I asked Lauren who in her life displays the most leadership and what traits that person possesses. I was expecting her to say someone at the university who is really involved. But she ended up answering her 8th grade science teacher, Kim. Why? It wasn’t because she was doing a lot to lead others intentionally or taking on particular “leadership roles." It was because of her strong sense of individuality. Since 8th grade, Lauren has developed a close friendship with Kim, and she had this to say about her:
“Kim never feels the need to categorize herself or let others define her or what she should be doing with her life.” Lauren went on, “she has the courage to always stand up for what she thinks is right, regardless of whether or not people will follow her. She’ll be the first to stand up if something’s wrong and would love to have people back her up, but doesn’t need them to.”
Similar to the way I see Neurrdina as a leader, Lauren sees Kim as a leader because she has the awareness to lead herself. So many of us, myself included, are constantly working to strike a balance within ourselves that will lead us where we want to be going, rather than just the direction that mainstream society points us in. Perhaps when we master the balance enough so that we can reach beyond ourselves and lead a GROUP in a direction more powerful than mainstream society…perhaps that is reaching a pivotal point in leadership.
But being a leader isn’t easy. Once you’ve become an example of a leader, you constantly have people looking up to you as such, and that creates a lot of responsibility and pressure. Lauren put it well when she said, “as a leader you’re constantly being judged, and if you mess up, the responsibility falls on you. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself in this position.” And I think that really brings us back to the idea of having a strong sense of self, as well as viewing leadership as a constant work in progress. A person is never complete in their position as a leader. There is always room for improvement and struggles that will come up no matter how much experience a person has. That’s why it’s critical for a leader to be confident in who they are, but also flexible and willing to learn. A leader should not be emotionally torn apart by criticism, but they also should not ignore it’s value. To be a good leader you must constantly be working to stay balanced within yourself and among the group you’re working with.
My mother also talked about finding “inner happiness” as a priority in her life, and an essential component to being a truly extraordinary leader. After being a teacher for over 30 years she said, “in ways you have to be a leader for others…You have to learn how to run and organize things, as well as foster a positive group dynamic among your co-workers.” But when it comes to leading herself, my mom, like so many others, is still working on “enjoying life” despite the task of “getting through the daily grind and just doing what you have to do.”
My mom talked about how before she got married she was such a free spirit and adventurer. And then she slipped into grumbling about the “daily grind”—the responsibility and routine lifestyle that occurs when you take on a full time job and marriage. At this point in our conversation I started to feel very worried about ever experiencing the bore of going through the motions, and instantly decided that I would never get married or have a stable job! Just kidding. But in all seriousness, my mom said that there were two things that made the idea of settling down all worth it: a job that was exciting and energizing, and becoming a mother.
My mom has a lot to say when I asked her to define leadership. She said, “Fostering a positive outcome and guiding people, but allowing consensus and listening to opinions… It’s facilitating, a good leader is a good facilitator. The humanistic part of it is also important and a lot of people fail to consider that. You have to be educated in understanding personality types, strengths and weaknesses, and pulling on the strengths. This means giving a lot of positive reinforcement, acknowledging people’s accomplishments, and making sure that they know that you know how valuable they are. And also guiding and helping those who are less experienced or are having difficulties in something.”
When my mom spit out this definition of leadership, I thought to myself, wow...I’m my mother’s daughter! I really saw myself in her definition, and had this childish smirk on my face that read: My mom's a rockstar. I'm going to be just like her when I grow up! So naturally, I asked her what she thought leadership had to do with being a mother, or being in a family. To which she replied, “Everything. Being a mother was one of the strongest forces in teaching me how to be a leader. All of the things I just mentioned you have to learn how to do in a family… Especially listening to each other and working with people’s strengths.”
Before having this conversation with my mother, I usually envisioned leadership as something that most women only have energy for until they get married, start a family, and get into the “daily grind”. People are always saying, “be a leader now because once you get out of college you won’t have nearly as much energy as you do now.” But after talking with my mother about this, I’m realizing that there are so many women leaders everywhere you turn…especially in homes across the world, fostering beautiful families and still managing to contribute to society in such valuable ways—even if it’s “only” through raising children who will be engaged citizens. That is such a difficult, challenging, and important task that takes tremendous heaps of energy and does not receive nearly enough credit or attention. (Thank you to all the incredible mom's, or people raising children out there!)
I initially wanted to ask my mom how she tought women could be more engaged in society and simultaneously raise a family. But after looking back and hearing my mom speak on these topics, I've realized that my mom is satisfied with the way she's lived her life. She really believes that every day of her working life as a teacher she was contributing to society in such a huge way by educating children, and this has been fulfilling, meaningful, and enough.
In writing this, I’m realizing that I have a slightly different view of what it means to be a leader than I did before these interviews. Perhaps being a leader is really striving to fulfill your own life’s purpose. When I asked each person what their biggest priority is in life right now, they all answered something different. But they also all went on to talk about how they’re trying to make their priority a reality. To me, that’s leadership. Each person has a different purpose and reason for being here. But oftentimes, people go through an entire lifetime without ever really finding, acknowledging or fulfilling their purpose. When you ask the average person who they think the greatest leaders are, you get so many different answers. People are different and have such varying views on things. But nevertheless, a leader is someone who proactively attempts to fulfill their own life’s vision. I never realized what an incredible role model and leader my mother is until realizing that she is fulfilling HER purpose. In the end, we all have a purpose worth finding that is truly unique and individual. Therefore, we all have the capability to be leaders, if for no one else, at least ourselves.
Monday, May 07, 2007
simple authenticities
i want to write a book of stories that make my life make sense, because for me, finding a way to tie everything together in words, somehow makes my experiences more real, valid, and meaningful. sometimes it takes my recreation of the event for me to believe and actually feel what happened. and i love when i can recreate an experience with a more thorough perspective and beautiful imagery. this, i am truly passionate about.
i want to love slowly and honestly and intimately and shamelessly and fearlessly. but these are big wants. so instead i just want to love naturally, letting the love lead me, not trying to lead the love.
these two wants aren't the image of a daughter tugging at her father's pant leg with a pouting lip begging "pleeeaaaseee" for a toy she doesn't even need. they're a grown woman walking in a pants suit (or hippie skirt), independently investing in a company that she not only believes in, but that she is a part of, and that is also part of her.
these two wants exist because they are a part of me that i love and feel good embracing, not because i think they might make me happy if i can do them. i must do them because they are authentic to who i am. it's in realizing what is authentic about who we are that we can be exposed to our passions. for a while, i kept wondering and searching for so many pieces of my life. i followed the voices of society that urged, "find your passion", "find your religion", "find your voice in writing", "find youself". the funny thing is, that voice didn't tell me that I usually don't have to look far to find these things... because they're mine.
in searching for myself and my passions, i forgot to look at the very obvious priorities and practices that i've been keeping my whole life: a journal and close relationships with loved ones. these things are stitched into the dearest parts of my heart. i'm sure they're accompanied by other things that fill my soul--but i have yet to see those things clearly. for now, i'm glad to rest from my searching, knowing that searching won't help me find myself, only being myself will.
what wants are authentic to who you are?
i want to love slowly and honestly and intimately and shamelessly and fearlessly. but these are big wants. so instead i just want to love naturally, letting the love lead me, not trying to lead the love.
these two wants aren't the image of a daughter tugging at her father's pant leg with a pouting lip begging "pleeeaaaseee" for a toy she doesn't even need. they're a grown woman walking in a pants suit (or hippie skirt), independently investing in a company that she not only believes in, but that she is a part of, and that is also part of her.
these two wants exist because they are a part of me that i love and feel good embracing, not because i think they might make me happy if i can do them. i must do them because they are authentic to who i am. it's in realizing what is authentic about who we are that we can be exposed to our passions. for a while, i kept wondering and searching for so many pieces of my life. i followed the voices of society that urged, "find your passion", "find your religion", "find your voice in writing", "find youself". the funny thing is, that voice didn't tell me that I usually don't have to look far to find these things... because they're mine.
in searching for myself and my passions, i forgot to look at the very obvious priorities and practices that i've been keeping my whole life: a journal and close relationships with loved ones. these things are stitched into the dearest parts of my heart. i'm sure they're accompanied by other things that fill my soul--but i have yet to see those things clearly. for now, i'm glad to rest from my searching, knowing that searching won't help me find myself, only being myself will.
what wants are authentic to who you are?
Sunday, April 22, 2007
take a ride with me
I rode my bike to Lake Artemesia with my wonderful friend Christian Thursday night after changing into warmer clothes that would bear the evening chill. From the lake, stars were more visible than on campus, and one in particular stood apart from the rest. I doubt it was the North Star, but something in it's bright glimmer had me hooked on the idea that I could follow its glow somewhere awe-inspiring and peaceful.
After talking for a while and laughing for an undetermined, lengthy bit, we boarded our bikes once again to feel the cold wind against our bear hands and faces. The street lights' illumination got caught in the moist air and hovered an orange-hue against the receding grey pavement. Our shadows rode their bikes freely as we tried tirelessly to catch up to them like mice running in wheels, except we knew the game we were playing. Eventually, the streetlights disappeared and our stretch of bike-riding bliss came to an end.
Paved before me was an uphill path leading to my warm bed and inspiring walls. As we peddled to the split in the path, I slowed down to say goodbye to Christian and thank him for taking me to the lake. Things didn't happen as smoothly as I had planned..."Ah!" I proclaimed dramatically in a voice that matched my teetering, wobbling fall. My bike must really love me, I thought, as she straddled me from the top position. I lay there, laughing, not wanting to get up--partly because of the embarrassment of falling off my bike, partly because of the piece atop me, and partly because of the view from the ground. From there, the only direction to look was up. And through the hazy sidewalk lights, I managed to see my star.
This was my first bike fall, but I'd like you to know that it wasn't as horrible, bloody, or scraped as I feared it would be. The bruise is loud and clear on my right knee, but something about seeing that star after falling... Something about looking up and knowing that I was not alone, no matter how bruised or low I felt... Something about that moment shined with divinity.
So tonight I'm shining my own light on one of nature's beautiful gifts that gave me peace through my fall. This universe is offering me gifts everyday, every moment. Some instants, when my mind is clear and my heart steady, I'm lucky enough to realize how much I've been given. In those moments, I am filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and joy...and it is then that I wonder if I need to "thank God"... or if living to keep this world beautiful is enough as long as my heart is heavy with thanks.
They say that to look for God is to find God. I'm afraid to even admit to myself that I've been looking. But in so many walks of life, I feel this nurturing and giving mother who wants to blanket me in warmth. And I believe that maybe I'm starting to see her patches, unfold her quilt, and slowly let her tenderness rest upon me--comforted by the one thing I feel with certainty--I have been blessed to be part of this glorious world, and I am forever thankful for that. Perhaps like so many who wish to say thank you directly...perhaps, I too, will find my path to her someday...
But in the mean time, we've got at least a bit of good news--if God exists, she's definitely a woman! ;-)
After talking for a while and laughing for an undetermined, lengthy bit, we boarded our bikes once again to feel the cold wind against our bear hands and faces. The street lights' illumination got caught in the moist air and hovered an orange-hue against the receding grey pavement. Our shadows rode their bikes freely as we tried tirelessly to catch up to them like mice running in wheels, except we knew the game we were playing. Eventually, the streetlights disappeared and our stretch of bike-riding bliss came to an end.
Paved before me was an uphill path leading to my warm bed and inspiring walls. As we peddled to the split in the path, I slowed down to say goodbye to Christian and thank him for taking me to the lake. Things didn't happen as smoothly as I had planned..."Ah!" I proclaimed dramatically in a voice that matched my teetering, wobbling fall. My bike must really love me, I thought, as she straddled me from the top position. I lay there, laughing, not wanting to get up--partly because of the embarrassment of falling off my bike, partly because of the piece atop me, and partly because of the view from the ground. From there, the only direction to look was up. And through the hazy sidewalk lights, I managed to see my star.
This was my first bike fall, but I'd like you to know that it wasn't as horrible, bloody, or scraped as I feared it would be. The bruise is loud and clear on my right knee, but something about seeing that star after falling... Something about looking up and knowing that I was not alone, no matter how bruised or low I felt... Something about that moment shined with divinity.
So tonight I'm shining my own light on one of nature's beautiful gifts that gave me peace through my fall. This universe is offering me gifts everyday, every moment. Some instants, when my mind is clear and my heart steady, I'm lucky enough to realize how much I've been given. In those moments, I am filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and joy...and it is then that I wonder if I need to "thank God"... or if living to keep this world beautiful is enough as long as my heart is heavy with thanks.
They say that to look for God is to find God. I'm afraid to even admit to myself that I've been looking. But in so many walks of life, I feel this nurturing and giving mother who wants to blanket me in warmth. And I believe that maybe I'm starting to see her patches, unfold her quilt, and slowly let her tenderness rest upon me--comforted by the one thing I feel with certainty--I have been blessed to be part of this glorious world, and I am forever thankful for that. Perhaps like so many who wish to say thank you directly...perhaps, I too, will find my path to her someday...
But in the mean time, we've got at least a bit of good news--if God exists, she's definitely a woman! ;-)
Monday, April 16, 2007
Rape
She was raped tonight.
Pants forced to the floor
Soul shunned and ignored
And the colorful spirit she once wore
Was stabbed at the core
And stripped and ripped evermore
There she lay open
Gory, bloody remains
Hands grasping the bed frame
Fearful and full of pain
Shame…She felt shame
And the next day
There she still lay
Angry and afraid
But too silenced to blame
Too framed to say anything and really be heard
She knew she could have fled
Taken refuge instead
Of giving in to the man
But the man held her heart
He was part of her home
And he had the nerve to rape her
Then leave her wet to the bone
With no where to go
And nothing to show
Except a purple beaded necklace
Some jazz tunes, and grace
Alas, maybe there was a larger plan
As his white hand grabbed her brown breast
Fantasizing over her beaded, colored chest
Laughing at her worthlessness
Screwing her self-respect
Ignoring her protest
Yes, she was Oppressed
Unlike the well dressed woman
Whose man protected her
From the same deadly storm
Of rushing, raging, raining rape
Yes, she struggled to stand tall
Against so many fierce forces
Outside of her humble hands
And eventually, people ran
From all over the world
To bring comfort and renewal
To this soulful, hopeful girl
But when you’ve been raped by the man
That you pledge your allegiance to
And he pledges nothing to you
It makes you wonder why you haven’t left him behind
To find a man who will appreciate even the Lower 9th
Our endearing New Orleans was raped tonight.
Baby, I’m so sorry for the way he treated you.
Is there anything…
Anything at all
That I can do?
Photo courtesy of Sonia Keiner Flynn, my staff advisor during the Alternative Spring Break trip I took to New Orleans, Lower 9th Ward.
With hope and love,
Rachael
Pants forced to the floor
Soul shunned and ignored
And the colorful spirit she once wore
Was stabbed at the core
And stripped and ripped evermore
There she lay open
Gory, bloody remains
Hands grasping the bed frame
Fearful and full of pain
Shame…She felt shame
And the next day
There she still lay
Angry and afraid
But too silenced to blame
Too framed to say anything and really be heard
She knew she could have fled
Taken refuge instead
Of giving in to the man
But the man held her heart
He was part of her home
And he had the nerve to rape her
Then leave her wet to the bone
With no where to go
And nothing to show
Except a purple beaded necklace
Some jazz tunes, and grace
Alas, maybe there was a larger plan
As his white hand grabbed her brown breast
Fantasizing over her beaded, colored chest
Laughing at her worthlessness
Screwing her self-respect
Ignoring her protest
Yes, she was Oppressed
Unlike the well dressed woman
Whose man protected her
From the same deadly storm
Of rushing, raging, raining rape
Yes, she struggled to stand tall
Against so many fierce forces
Outside of her humble hands
And eventually, people ran
From all over the world
To bring comfort and renewal
To this soulful, hopeful girl
But when you’ve been raped by the man
That you pledge your allegiance to
And he pledges nothing to you
It makes you wonder why you haven’t left him behind
To find a man who will appreciate even the Lower 9th
Our endearing New Orleans was raped tonight.
Baby, I’m so sorry for the way he treated you.
Is there anything…
Anything at all
That I can do?
Photo courtesy of Sonia Keiner Flynn, my staff advisor during the Alternative Spring Break trip I took to New Orleans, Lower 9th Ward.
With hope and love,
Rachael
Monday, March 12, 2007
where would we be?
there is a calm before the storm and then unruly gusts of change.
eventually, the storm subsides leaving debris that shift from odd to ordinary.
and the cycle can be so strange and so straining...
but where would we be without the repeating rhythm of restless rain?
without the growing life?
(a quick but big question from me to you, dear reader).
with love.
eventually, the storm subsides leaving debris that shift from odd to ordinary.
and the cycle can be so strange and so straining...
but where would we be without the repeating rhythm of restless rain?
without the growing life?
(a quick but big question from me to you, dear reader).
with love.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
10 ideas for me and you
1. eat cake for breakfast (i did this morning)
2. create a face out of objects found on your kitchen table
3. paint your kitchen table a wild color
4. write 10 personal maxims to live by on the wall
5. book a flight to a place you've been dreaming of visiting
6. invite the neighbor over for tea
7. fold a paper into 32 rectangles-write something you want in each rectangle-on the back write the value that each want represents-make a personal mission statement to live by those values-read your mission statement out loud to someone
8. collect interesting trash for 2 weeks-make it into a treasure
9. turn your phone off for 3 days-make a voice mail that says "i've gone to the moon, i'll call you back when i'm feeling grounded again"
10. plant a tulip bulb in a public place near by-let it pleasently surprise you come spring time
add your ideas in the comments section. let them be as wild and imaginative as your heart can handle.
2. create a face out of objects found on your kitchen table
3. paint your kitchen table a wild color
4. write 10 personal maxims to live by on the wall
5. book a flight to a place you've been dreaming of visiting
6. invite the neighbor over for tea
7. fold a paper into 32 rectangles-write something you want in each rectangle-on the back write the value that each want represents-make a personal mission statement to live by those values-read your mission statement out loud to someone
8. collect interesting trash for 2 weeks-make it into a treasure
9. turn your phone off for 3 days-make a voice mail that says "i've gone to the moon, i'll call you back when i'm feeling grounded again"
10. plant a tulip bulb in a public place near by-let it pleasently surprise you come spring time
add your ideas in the comments section. let them be as wild and imaginative as your heart can handle.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Long time, no blog
Hey strangers...
Once again, it's been a while! I'm learning that sometimes I just feel too young, vulnerable and uncertain to speak or share any other reality. And honestly, those things can be a hard reality to expose! (or even understand enough to convey...)
I'm definitely at that point in my life when it feels like I'm on the brink of learning everything risky all at once, and it could come down to making some really hard and scary decisions to actually allow personal growth and transendence. It's a tough reality!--the fear of losing the good in order to find the grand. Or being wise enough to realize, accept and embrace all of the grand realities that do exist in my life right now. Or finding the middle ground...
I've learned this much from the past month:
My heart and soul feel so much pain and conflict when I limit myself to live a certain way because that's the way I've gotten used to living. With that said, I've also recently discovered that we can change the way we do things, what we do, or our attitude about doing if we're unsatisfied with the status quo. It is when I stop believing that I have any control over life that I stop believing that life can be okay. It is then that I stop brainstorming creative conduits towards happiness. It is then that I settle and just begin to pick--pick apart anything good that still exists because I've stopped thinking out of the box and started tearing the box apart.
I'm in an amazing women's leadership class... and someone said the other day in class that her mother used to always tell her "you gain the most confidence in life by taking the risks you're afraid to take... even if you only tip-toe in". I thought that was so beautiful, wise, and especially true for what I've been going through lately.
I took a big risk recently that I was so afraid to take. I'm definitely still learning how to follow through with the goals I have for myself in this situation... But I feel so much confidence that I can achieve them, knowing that I've already come far enough to take the first step.
What first steps do you feel inclined to take? What risks have you been waiting to take?
Once again, it's been a while! I'm learning that sometimes I just feel too young, vulnerable and uncertain to speak or share any other reality. And honestly, those things can be a hard reality to expose! (or even understand enough to convey...)
I'm definitely at that point in my life when it feels like I'm on the brink of learning everything risky all at once, and it could come down to making some really hard and scary decisions to actually allow personal growth and transendence. It's a tough reality!--the fear of losing the good in order to find the grand. Or being wise enough to realize, accept and embrace all of the grand realities that do exist in my life right now. Or finding the middle ground...
I've learned this much from the past month:
My heart and soul feel so much pain and conflict when I limit myself to live a certain way because that's the way I've gotten used to living. With that said, I've also recently discovered that we can change the way we do things, what we do, or our attitude about doing if we're unsatisfied with the status quo. It is when I stop believing that I have any control over life that I stop believing that life can be okay. It is then that I stop brainstorming creative conduits towards happiness. It is then that I settle and just begin to pick--pick apart anything good that still exists because I've stopped thinking out of the box and started tearing the box apart.
I'm in an amazing women's leadership class... and someone said the other day in class that her mother used to always tell her "you gain the most confidence in life by taking the risks you're afraid to take... even if you only tip-toe in". I thought that was so beautiful, wise, and especially true for what I've been going through lately.
I took a big risk recently that I was so afraid to take. I'm definitely still learning how to follow through with the goals I have for myself in this situation... But I feel so much confidence that I can achieve them, knowing that I've already come far enough to take the first step.
What first steps do you feel inclined to take? What risks have you been waiting to take?
Friday, January 05, 2007
Lately...
While my posting has lacked lately, my mind and discoveries most definitely have not. I've been feeling very awake and aware, and time to regenerate has finally been on my side after a semester that took the life out of me.
My dearly beloved journal has filled itself to the brim and I would like to leave you with some of it's last thoughts:
Listen to your insides and speak their truth. Listen to the barried voices of your heart that feel suppressed & ignored. Find the simplicity and beauty that accompanies Awareness. Wake Up. Your self is all Inisde.
Ask for the space you need in the Now, not in the future. Now you Know your longing for space, so take it gracefully. Future emotions come with No Gauruntees. The present is all you can be certain of.
Nine months of struggles, stress, vast Introspection, & Endless Efforts have brought me closer to my Self. Gratitude fills my soul, knowing how hard I've worked to find a greater peace of mind--and knowing that I have succeeded. I am continuing to struggle for success & I am glad for that.
Inside of myself Essence and Core are just waiting for me to Uncover them & Shine their soft surface so all can experience their Beauty--including myself. I'm sifting, sorting & unravelling the layers, and I can smile now--a small light of Belief is breaking through.
To each of you a wondeful New Year with just the right amount of introspection to fill your soul with gladness & continue its discovering all the while.
Love,
Rach
My dearly beloved journal has filled itself to the brim and I would like to leave you with some of it's last thoughts:
Listen to your insides and speak their truth. Listen to the barried voices of your heart that feel suppressed & ignored. Find the simplicity and beauty that accompanies Awareness. Wake Up. Your self is all Inisde.
Ask for the space you need in the Now, not in the future. Now you Know your longing for space, so take it gracefully. Future emotions come with No Gauruntees. The present is all you can be certain of.
Nine months of struggles, stress, vast Introspection, & Endless Efforts have brought me closer to my Self. Gratitude fills my soul, knowing how hard I've worked to find a greater peace of mind--and knowing that I have succeeded. I am continuing to struggle for success & I am glad for that.
Inside of myself Essence and Core are just waiting for me to Uncover them & Shine their soft surface so all can experience their Beauty--including myself. I'm sifting, sorting & unravelling the layers, and I can smile now--a small light of Belief is breaking through.
To each of you a wondeful New Year with just the right amount of introspection to fill your soul with gladness & continue its discovering all the while.
Love,
Rach
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
