Plea for space and time to CREATE!

Here's what my life has looked like for the past 4 weeks and will look like for the next 2:

Mon-Thursday: 9am-noon Spanish class, 12:30-3:00 (more or less) Community Service-Learning Office work, 6pm-1:30am college perk coffeehouse work (Tues & Thurs), free time?=spanish homework, lots of it...and occasional reading of of Rumi & Chomsky (I know, stark contrast)
Fri-Sun: Either at retreats, conferences, family weekends, or the like. In other words, Never Making Space To Create.

And there's just So Much Boiling Inside.

But soon enough I will be on an airplane to SPAIN and then taking a bus tour with my mom for 2 weeks through Madrid, Barcelona, southern France, and Italy. It will be sweet, sweet bliss and adventure. And I am terribly excited. (And will be terribly broke, despite working 2 jobs this summer :) Abroad, I will either write endlessly in my journal as we travel, or let even more thoughts steam-up inside of me so that when I get home and my schedule is finally freed up, I will have no time for anyone or thing but my art to finally boil over.


Anything boiling over for you? Tell me of the sweet nothings you finally have time for this summer... I'd love to hear of them.

besos, mi amigas.

Special Package Deal: Motivation Included!

On my important to-do list for this very evening:

-fill out application for International Volunteerism conference in Taiwan

All essays combined = about 2,000 words total. I know I've cramed papers in this amount of time before.. and what better motivation than a free trip to Taiwan for 5 days!
Topics include natural resources and environmental protection, past community service involvement, and volunteerism and world citizenship.

Oh, did I mention if I get this application filled out by tomorrow I can go to Taiwan for FREE?? All expenses paid by UMD's President Mote! (That is, if I get chosen, of course...)

Off I go.... write, write, write!

Kisses

PS-"Keep It There" by The Weepies has kept me going lately.
"All my troubles in the rear view mirror
I know, I know I got to keep them there
To Keep Them There..."



********ADDENDUM*********
I finished! Check out the conference website!
http://osa.nccu.edu.tw/~activity/ICSL/Welcome.html

heheheeee... this is me super excited and proud of myself that i actually filled out the damn mile long application!

So much overdue...

It's always these late nights after long days that my creative juices start flowing... But then just when I find time for my mind's muses to whisper words onto paper, all of the overdue stories and ideas cram into one big brain-jam of memory-traffic and it all just crashes into the hazy mess that is known as my vast and hard-to-reach memory.

And there they go...stories of a woman who predicted my future, or a $100 parking ticket, or the beauty of diverse nudity, or a kind man with a severe stutter, or a profesora de espanol fantastico, or a Gatsby-esq beach community, or a family tree that tuned into a priceless life history, or the same 2 Andrew Bird songs that make me feel alive on my 10 minute drive to work, or a simple stranger's smile, or the nerve to say no, or the courage to say yes, or the very moment when i knew that. . .

But I feel calm as these stories float adrift from the pressure to be recorded-to be held still in space and time. When the time is right, these stories will find a place for safe preservation. Until then, I'll just carry them close, bound to my heart, woven into my step, payed forward to those I reach with my smile and soul.

Until the stories surface for your reading, take a look at this:


[Judy, Me, Kathleen & Jodi enjoying some smoothies&schnapps before Jo & Kat ventured up to summer camp in Maine]


Besos,
Rach

20 songs for the summer

I have a fun tradition of making a mix cd (or 2) at the start of each season. This summer, the tunes are uplifting, full, and light...all at the same time! (And very lovey-dovey, might I add). Oh, the bliss of music's many dimensions.

1. La Nueva Belleza - Jason Mraz (in honor of the Espanol class I'm taking... which I will soon be posting about. Preview: I Love it!)
2. I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
3. Love Love Love - Tristan Prettyman
4. Loving You - Paolo Nutini (This whole album is so fun & uplifting!)
5. Peaceful Easy Feeling - The Eagles
6. By & By - Brett Dennen
7. Mushaboom - Feist
8. Get It While You Can - Janis Joplin
9. On the Radio - Regina Spektor
10. Moving, Shaking - Daniel Lee (Master of Music...didja know? danielleemusic.com; check him out. He's also a beautiful soul)
11. Living Life - Ben Kweller
12. She's Only Happy In the Sun - Ben Harper (beautiful, and seasonally appropriate, but not true for me. i'm really happy in the rain. and you?)
13. Upside Down - Jack Johnson
14. The River of Dreams - Billy Joel
15. For Once In My Life - Stevie Wonder
16. Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette
17. Ohio - Crosby Stills Nash & Young
18. Find the Cost of Freedom - Crosby Stills Nash & Young (time appropriate...)
19. A Change Is Gonna Come - Otis Redding (another time appropriate one, my heart and hopes believe)
20. Shroud - Ani Difranco (because no mix is complete without this incredible womyn's insight)


You'd think I was in love, or something... which is actually quite funny. I think I'm just finding the love in daily morsels and mistakes. And feeling like some good pop music.

Dance a little today!

paz y amor, amigas.

More on Love and Letting Go

This afternoon I finally busted out the watercolors that Brian bought me for the holidays and splashed my paint brushes into the new medium. After scribbling the words onto paper then carefully cutting them each out, I found there just wasn't space to paste them atop the painting without the whole thing looking smushed. So into the trash the words flew, and onto the paint my sharpie scribed. It's a first, so I hope you like it. Click on the image to enlarge and read. And enjoy!

ps-I'm aware of the extra "l" in resilient. There's something I like about it, though. Imperfection at it's best :)

Cheers.

The truth about Soul Mates...

On the front gate of a perfect southern house in the grand but humble Magazine, New Orleans.


I sat on the McKeldon Mall for hours today letting the sun attach to my skin. I was so enamored by Liz Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love" (pictured below) as it spoke directly to my soul, that I didn't even bother lathering the SPF 8 "sunscreen" I packed. I just read. The bell chimed at 1pm, then again at 2, 3 and eventually 4 in the afternoon. I was in book reading heaven. Ironically reading about what one could call heavenly experiences. And to top it all off, when the grass itching sensation pushed me to the limit, I got up, walked over to the reflection fountain, and plopped myself down where my feet could dangle in the water and the sun could kiss me with her warm calming presence.

So now, filled to the brim with Gilbert's inspiring memoirs (and some crispy skin), I have nothing left to do but spill. This passage is long, but spoke to me in so many ways. Perhaps you, too, will discover some piece of this passage whispering truth in your ear. Enjoy...

~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed he was my soul mate."
"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is you just can't let this one go...You can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby--you're just lickin' at an empty can trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."
"But I love him."
"So love him."
"But I miss him."
"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot--a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel so overwhelmed with emotion thinking about Gilbert's (or rather, the guy from Texas who's talking's) "working definition" of what a soul mate really is. I want to cry, laugh, smile, hug, kiss, jump with joy, and sit in a still moment of gratitude and awe. In my life there have been a beautiful handful of people who have helped show me layers of myself I was not yet able to recognize (romantically and platonically). I mean, people who really dug into me, and with me, and through me to help me see myself and my potential. Some of these people still remain close to me, continuing this process. Some have found new soul mates who've steered them away from me. Others have become people I have an annual hour-long phone conversation with, and if we're lucky, a nice lunch date. But regardless of current rapport, all of these people will always be close to my soul because they have helped it glow and illuminate and blossom. For this, I am forever grateful.



Feel free to share your thoughts on this idea below.

With love and freedom <3

For Living in the NOW

I can lose so much by creating a strict route for myself and hesitating to venture down other's paths. I can also lose so much by completely surrendering to love and blurring the vision of my own direction.

But the beam of balance is not impossible to walk. This I am learning with every inhibition I free, and every step I take through the permission of my intuition and heart. And it's so refreshing.


On a similar but different note, I've been thinking a lot about...well about the layers of my mind I've been working with to wake myself up to my present reality.

Renewal can be like that--like stepping into a an old pair of jeans but seeing a new YOU in the mirror wearing them. You wonder if you can pull them off in a way that's daring, stylish, and brave, but still that same comfortable fit. And then eventually, when you or someone else finally knocks some sense into ya', you realize the answer is yes. Yes-you can pull off feeling different, and feeling good. Yes-you can pull off feeling free, young and vibrant in the same pants you've worn for years (you know, the ones so worn that a hole is forming where your legs rub together). Yes-you can change, without having to change your pants. (Even those pants--the pants with the holes!)

But sometimes, even despite your mind's inspiring realizations, your intuition tells you to take off your pants and throw on a dress (or just go naked!).  And that's okay, too.


I'm finally learning that all of the world won't conspire and spin just to guarantee my so-called-wonderful life-plan works out. Even after I've measured things to the T and positioned everything so that there's no way the plan would fail, the most unexpected and flat-out unbelievable fluke could happen--I myself could be the very thorn in my own damn back ruining my own perfect plan. Or better yet, and less dramatically pessimistic and self-loathing--experiences could happen to me, perfectly by chance, that are beautiful and raw and not neatly drawn into my blue prints. Who would have thought?


And so it goes: I hereby announce that I am tossing the plan out the window. (Maybe not 100%. I mean, after all it *is* written on toilet paper and I *am* still holding onto the end of the roll. But damn it!-the foot after foot of fantasies that become expectations that become necessities written in stone in order to feed and please my soul don't have to be what I wipe my ass with every single day. I could just get some BLANK TOILET PAPER!) So like I said--out the window it goes. My mind will be more free of preconceived requirements, and more open to listening to my heart's intuition. To the best of my ability, that is. After all, I don't want to make any plans...