The chill pleasantly caught me off guard today. Apparently it caught us all off guard as well, as I saw people rushing around in clothes too light for the weather, scurrying from class to class, warm building to warm building. In these moments I found myself walking especially slow, excited and eager to watch how together, we were ALL caught off guard, experiencing the smallest burden in unity.
Suddenly, I'm filled with scurrying memories of the people of my past who helped me to get where I am (literally, figuratively, and beautifully) today. I wanted to walk as fast as I could up to the doors of each of these persons and KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK... "Hi there! It's Rachael! Your long lost friend! I still love and think about you all of the time! Tell me your deepest thoughts and feelings." The chill brought an urgency that I could not keep up with no matter the pace I walked.
I've been meaning so much to write Love Letters to all of these people... I even DID! But I have yet to send them as they sit dusting over on my shelf. (WHY???... Have no fear, today's the day!)
My life lately has been like a cold day that catches me off guard, and I'm left with nothing to do but scurry around. Where did the time for reflection, feeling, expression, and heartfelt daydreams go? Maybe today was symbolic. Maybe today encapsulated the lulling moments in which I allow myself to feel expressive and soak in all that's beautiful around me, despite the urge to rush to whatever's next on my busy agenda. I certainly believe that those moments can be found, and perhaps I'm on the right track.
I had a wonderful guest speaker in one of my classes today who shared her wise views of how to live a meaningful life. When it came to "Modeling the Way" (practicing what you preach), she talked about living life in "satisfying proportions." In this day and age, there is so much emphasis on living a balanced life, but the trick is, you have to make the balance work for YOU. I feel like this entire semester that's been my exact struggle. So much to tend to with only so many hours in the day, and the importance of figuring out what proportions will meet my personal needs and satisfy my soul and heart. I tell you, it's been hard, but I've been finding the middle ground. For example, letting myself wander on a off-guard chilly day, and examine the beauties of my mind and world.
Jeeze! Seems like a lot to work on from day to day. But really, why else are we here thrown into this thing called life? We're here to make what we're given work... We must tend and water and nourish our gardens of life until buds turn into blossoms that later we can enjoy with ease and gratitude. Yes, it's a large commitment--the one we have to ourselves--but in my opinion, the commitment most worth keeping.
I've felt extremely lucky lately, despite such a jam-packed schedule, to have amazing and meaningful interactions with some of the most beautiful people out there. I'm learning what it means to be a truly incredible person through so many of my peers, teachers, and mentors. I'm excited for the moment that I find to curl up with warm blankets and my journal in a candle-lit room, and just let myself CRY and RELEASE all of the emotions that have been forming spirals inside of me. Not that they're necessarily bad, but when they build up, the only real way they seem to release is through tears. And I personally like this method!
I must go for the night. Studying calls my name. I love you all so very much. Thank you for the insight and wisdom you share with me everyday. It's true--I soak it in like the most grateful sponge that exists.
Fondly,
Rachael
Monday, October 23, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
The Joys of a Fall Afternoon
Caught between the crevices
Age in circles
Not yet harvested
The remains of Mr. Squirrel's afternoon snack
Relaxing in each other's arms
A family braving to cross the river
Age in circles
Not yet harvested
The remains of Mr. Squirrel's afternoon snack
Relaxing in each other's arms
A family braving to cross the river
Sunday, October 08, 2006
A beautiful day...
Calls for a nice long run while listening to exciting music.
Exciting music like Rilo Kiley whos tunes seem to wake my insides whenever I need a lift. (My favorite is Capturing Moods) Check out their stuff @ http://www.rilokiley.com/
Studying comes later.
What are you waiting for?
(Go for it!)
Exciting music like Rilo Kiley whos tunes seem to wake my insides whenever I need a lift. (My favorite is Capturing Moods) Check out their stuff @ http://www.rilokiley.com/
Studying comes later.
What are you waiting for?
(Go for it!)
Sunday, October 01, 2006
P.S.
I saw Little Miss Sunshine the other night with Brian, and a character in the movie, young, still in highschool talked about how he wished he could just sleep until he was 18 and skip over all of the suffering that high school brings. His uncle responded with a reference to Marcel Proust who spoke of suffering as a shaping part of life that makes and contributes to the greatest parts of who you are.
I like the idea of that.
I like the idea of that.
Education--The Ultimate Blessing
Today I spent 8 hours in a conference room with about 20 other motivated and ambitious "do-gooders" learning and evaluating various skills in relation to leadership, service, the "world view" that each of us carries, team work, and various demensions of these notions. For some reason I walked away from the day feeling like so many thoughts had piled up throughout the day that I just wanted to talk, talk, talk about for hours! I'm learning more every day how important it is to me to have time for reflection on my feelings and thoughts after certain experiences. (Hence one of the very reasons for this blog!) But more than this blog--I really love, value, and need that opportunity to reflect in conversation. I'm an extrovert who likes to talk it out!
Jumping around--Lately I've been under a lot of pressure and stress. I'm in the midst of an insane semester with tons of deadlines, lofty assignments and a packed schedule that ends up feeling like a crowded room of people trying to accomplish a goal, but too many different ideas bouncing around to get down to action. Also, with so many long-distance relationships/friendships in my life, I find it so hard for me to be settled into any one place...I feel like I'm constantly trying to build a full-time community where I am, but only offering a part-time commitment to doing so--it's a difficult situation because I want to be in two (or three or four) places at once. And then there's that personal "me time" thing that often gets completely neglected due to all of these other time-consuming factors.
Okay, crappy situation. What to do? It obveously could be a hell of a lot worse... but regardless, these are challenges I have to face and deal with. I am not a victim to the constraints and limitations I put on myself. My classes, schedule, clubs, boyfriend, and friends are all acts that I choose to engage myself in. So if these are my choices, I must find ways to make them work...or choose other things.
My whole life, THIS is how I deal with things. I sit, reflect, evaluate, brainstorm, problem solve, and act. Sounds great! Right?
Today I realized that I've really been missing something big. I've been missing all of the wisdom and lessons learned and advice that others--influential, amazing, intelligent people--have to offer. Well of course, I can't necessarily MEET and TALK to all of these people who have experienced all of these THINGS like I would like to. Ah, but I CAN read autobiographies about their lives. Or TRY to meet them. Or seek out unexpected people, older and more experienced who have a world of lessons they've learned in their past, and just ask questions. These are all ways of EDUCATING and INFORMING and RESEARCHING that eventually TEACH me things I knew not before. (I think the easiest or most obveous concepts are sometimes the hardest ones for me to learn... for instance, learning from sources other than myself...duh!). I'm definitely a learn-through-experience type person, but there aren't enough days in a lifetime to learn all of the lessons that the world has to offer. So why not hear it from someone else? Take someone elses experiences to heart? See through someone else's eyes, walk in their shoes, learn their lessons--or at least try to.
I'm finally understanding what Education could potentially mean for me. I don't want to just learn about events, or theories, or places, or science, or math, or even beliefs. I want to learn about how those things have AFFECTED people. How someone's life has been altered, or what conclusions they drew from their experiences and trials. I want to see the full circle. How they got to where they were. If they were scared or challenged or heartbroken or oppressed or depressed or high off of life or drugs or constantly excited or motivated by some underlying concept. And what happened when you got there. And what happened afterwards. I want the full story. I want to understand what it means or how a person actually surpasses society's constraits without becomming a recluse. It happens... I want to understand it because I want to do it. And I can go on sitting, reflecting, evaluating, brainstorming, problem solving, and then acting... and take a very long time to deal with every day. Or I can try to really educate myself in a way that will benefit who I am and who I want to be.
So folks, I'm going to take the time I need for myself. Reading books. Asking lots of people lots of questions. Challenging my limits. Facing and pushing aside my fears to take chances on the things I love & feel passionately about. Really searching for what I'm passionate about. Taking risks. Stepping up to the plate. Living a full life because I want the FULL story--ups and downs, ins and outs, highs and lows. Not just wondering how something makes me feel or what my opinion on something might be if I did "this or that"...but putting myself in the situation to actually FIND OUT and DISCOVER what my answers really are through action.
Personal Goal for the time being: To develop a fuller, more alive means of education.
Jumping around--Lately I've been under a lot of pressure and stress. I'm in the midst of an insane semester with tons of deadlines, lofty assignments and a packed schedule that ends up feeling like a crowded room of people trying to accomplish a goal, but too many different ideas bouncing around to get down to action. Also, with so many long-distance relationships/friendships in my life, I find it so hard for me to be settled into any one place...I feel like I'm constantly trying to build a full-time community where I am, but only offering a part-time commitment to doing so--it's a difficult situation because I want to be in two (or three or four) places at once. And then there's that personal "me time" thing that often gets completely neglected due to all of these other time-consuming factors.
Okay, crappy situation. What to do? It obveously could be a hell of a lot worse... but regardless, these are challenges I have to face and deal with. I am not a victim to the constraints and limitations I put on myself. My classes, schedule, clubs, boyfriend, and friends are all acts that I choose to engage myself in. So if these are my choices, I must find ways to make them work...or choose other things.
My whole life, THIS is how I deal with things. I sit, reflect, evaluate, brainstorm, problem solve, and act. Sounds great! Right?
Today I realized that I've really been missing something big. I've been missing all of the wisdom and lessons learned and advice that others--influential, amazing, intelligent people--have to offer. Well of course, I can't necessarily MEET and TALK to all of these people who have experienced all of these THINGS like I would like to. Ah, but I CAN read autobiographies about their lives. Or TRY to meet them. Or seek out unexpected people, older and more experienced who have a world of lessons they've learned in their past, and just ask questions. These are all ways of EDUCATING and INFORMING and RESEARCHING that eventually TEACH me things I knew not before. (I think the easiest or most obveous concepts are sometimes the hardest ones for me to learn... for instance, learning from sources other than myself...duh!). I'm definitely a learn-through-experience type person, but there aren't enough days in a lifetime to learn all of the lessons that the world has to offer. So why not hear it from someone else? Take someone elses experiences to heart? See through someone else's eyes, walk in their shoes, learn their lessons--or at least try to.
I'm finally understanding what Education could potentially mean for me. I don't want to just learn about events, or theories, or places, or science, or math, or even beliefs. I want to learn about how those things have AFFECTED people. How someone's life has been altered, or what conclusions they drew from their experiences and trials. I want to see the full circle. How they got to where they were. If they were scared or challenged or heartbroken or oppressed or depressed or high off of life or drugs or constantly excited or motivated by some underlying concept. And what happened when you got there. And what happened afterwards. I want the full story. I want to understand what it means or how a person actually surpasses society's constraits without becomming a recluse. It happens... I want to understand it because I want to do it. And I can go on sitting, reflecting, evaluating, brainstorming, problem solving, and then acting... and take a very long time to deal with every day. Or I can try to really educate myself in a way that will benefit who I am and who I want to be.
So folks, I'm going to take the time I need for myself. Reading books. Asking lots of people lots of questions. Challenging my limits. Facing and pushing aside my fears to take chances on the things I love & feel passionately about. Really searching for what I'm passionate about. Taking risks. Stepping up to the plate. Living a full life because I want the FULL story--ups and downs, ins and outs, highs and lows. Not just wondering how something makes me feel or what my opinion on something might be if I did "this or that"...but putting myself in the situation to actually FIND OUT and DISCOVER what my answers really are through action.
Personal Goal for the time being: To develop a fuller, more alive means of education.
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