Today I spent 8 hours in a conference room with about 20 other motivated and ambitious "do-gooders" learning and evaluating various skills in relation to leadership, service, the "world view" that each of us carries, team work, and various demensions of these notions. For some reason I walked away from the day feeling like so many thoughts had piled up throughout the day that I just wanted to talk, talk, talk about for hours! I'm learning more every day how important it is to me to have time for reflection on my feelings and thoughts after certain experiences. (Hence one of the very reasons for this blog!) But more than this blog--I really love, value, and need that opportunity to reflect in conversation. I'm an extrovert who likes to talk it out!
Jumping around--Lately I've been under a lot of pressure and stress. I'm in the midst of an insane semester with tons of deadlines, lofty assignments and a packed schedule that ends up feeling like a crowded room of people trying to accomplish a goal, but too many different ideas bouncing around to get down to action. Also, with so many long-distance relationships/friendships in my life, I find it so hard for me to be settled into any one place...I feel like I'm constantly trying to build a full-time community where I am, but only offering a part-time commitment to doing so--it's a difficult situation because I want to be in two (or three or four) places at once. And then there's that personal "me time" thing that often gets completely neglected due to all of these other time-consuming factors.
Okay, crappy situation. What to do? It obveously could be a hell of a lot worse... but regardless, these are challenges I have to face and deal with. I am not a victim to the constraints and limitations I put on myself. My classes, schedule, clubs, boyfriend, and friends are all acts that I choose to engage myself in. So if these are my choices, I must find ways to make them work...or choose other things.
My whole life, THIS is how I deal with things. I sit, reflect, evaluate, brainstorm, problem solve, and act. Sounds great! Right?
Today I realized that I've really been missing something big. I've been missing all of the wisdom and lessons learned and advice that others--influential, amazing, intelligent people--have to offer. Well of course, I can't necessarily MEET and TALK to all of these people who have experienced all of these THINGS like I would like to. Ah, but I CAN read autobiographies about their lives. Or TRY to meet them. Or seek out unexpected people, older and more experienced who have a world of lessons they've learned in their past, and just ask questions. These are all ways of EDUCATING and INFORMING and RESEARCHING that eventually TEACH me things I knew not before. (I think the easiest or most obveous concepts are sometimes the hardest ones for me to learn... for instance, learning from sources other than myself...duh!). I'm definitely a learn-through-experience type person, but there aren't enough days in a lifetime to learn all of the lessons that the world has to offer. So why not hear it from someone else? Take someone elses experiences to heart? See through someone else's eyes, walk in their shoes, learn their lessons--or at least try to.
I'm finally understanding what Education could potentially mean for me. I don't want to just learn about events, or theories, or places, or science, or math, or even beliefs. I want to learn about how those things have AFFECTED people. How someone's life has been altered, or what conclusions they drew from their experiences and trials. I want to see the full circle. How they got to where they were. If they were scared or challenged or heartbroken or oppressed or depressed or high off of life or drugs or constantly excited or motivated by some underlying concept. And what happened when you got there. And what happened afterwards. I want the full story. I want to understand what it means or how a person actually surpasses society's constraits without becomming a recluse. It happens... I want to understand it because I want to do it. And I can go on sitting, reflecting, evaluating, brainstorming, problem solving, and then acting... and take a very long time to deal with every day. Or I can try to really educate myself in a way that will benefit who I am and who I want to be.
So folks, I'm going to take the time I need for myself. Reading books. Asking lots of people lots of questions. Challenging my limits. Facing and pushing aside my fears to take chances on the things I love & feel passionately about. Really searching for what I'm passionate about. Taking risks. Stepping up to the plate. Living a full life because I want the FULL story--ups and downs, ins and outs, highs and lows. Not just wondering how something makes me feel or what my opinion on something might be if I did "this or that"...but putting myself in the situation to actually FIND OUT and DISCOVER what my answers really are through action.
Personal Goal for the time being: To develop a fuller, more alive means of education.
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