These things that bring me JOY

This time of my life is so multifaceted in the most incredible ways that sometimes I really don't know how to capture it all and look at it for what it is, just sitting in peace and happiness with the direction that my journey has taken me. However, I love the days when somehow my mind takes the shape of a bucket that can dip into this fast moving river and hold still some substance of life for a short while drinking it up and actually quenching some thirst for understanding.


It's a gloomy day in College Park, but walking around I find myself smiling at strangers just trying to brighten up the day. It's funny how contageous I can be to myself, catching on to this self-motivated call for happiness and spreading it like a forest fire inside. I think today this drive started with seeing all kinds of trash spread over the mall due to yesterday's beautiful beach-like atmosphere that invited people to lay out in the sun. The trash everywhere really made the mall look so much less appealing and beautiful, so I decided to pick it up -- all of it. And I did. I walked around the mall and picked up every piece of paper and empty water bottle that someone left out to rot. This process became very contageous and once I was done cleaning up the mall, everywhere I walked from there on throughout the day, I picked up any trash I saw and threw it away. I think the result of seeing something I didn't like and then doing something to change it ended up leaving me with a really happy feeling inside, hence the unyeilding smiles. This experience seemed to teach me something important--that with action to change the things in which you're not satisfied with ultimately results in a much more satisfied state of mind. Although I couldn't pick up every piece of trash that covered the entire university, I could do SOMEthing. And I did. And it felt really good.


I feel so blessed to be at Maryland. There was a tour of prospective students walking around the campus today and I just wanted to go up to them and say, "This is a place where so many people have something truly individual inside of them that they want to release, and the beautiful atmosphere of this school really allows for that to happen... Because it's not just a desire that people have... it's an action that people take -- being themselves." Maybe life is like that wherever you go and I'm finally catching on to the trend being that I see the trend developing more inside of myself.... I'd love to think this is true. Only through travelling and actually experiencing other places will I find somewhat of an accurate answer, though. So that must be what I do!

Looking back at all kinds of meaningful relationships I've developed in my life, I feel so greatful to have kept up with so many of the people who I really value, appreciate, respect, admire, and learn from. I suppose it can be easy to get lost in a world where I feel like meaningful and deep connections are so hard to come by or easy to lose... But reflecting on how many people I can call wonderful friends who I feel so lucky to call my friends, really says something about how the desire to keep up with these irreplacable friendships outweighs the difficulty of it, espcially with so many people so far from where I am.


Being in a relationship is HARD WORK! But I'm learning that anything I wish to do in life and do well, I must commit myself to the idea and action of Working Hard to accomplish my goals. I love that through this relationship I am in, I have to stretch and bend and examine the things that I'm not good at, and strive to be better for the sake of the relationship working out (and of course for the pure sake of becomming a better person). I love that I have to struggle inside of myself to give up the child that always wants to get her way and embrace the adult who understands the power of compromise. I love that Brian is so willing to work with me and do these things as well...and I love that the term "working relationship" really falls into play and applies to my life! I love that I'm learning and recognizing flaws inside of myself that I never before knew existed or I never before knew how to see... and that I'm challenging myself to see them and take steps towards improving them. Drawing a parallel to the earlier part of my day picking up trash, it seems that once I acknowleged that the trash was outside on the mall, visible for all to see (that my flaws are alive and real), it led me to really want to pick the trash up and make the mall satisfy it's true potential of beauty (really wanting to sort through and clean out the flaws inside of myself in order to reach my fullest potential as a human--to be a great person), and once i took action, although there was still trash left to pick up, I felt so good for what action I did take to make a difference (and once I work towards improving myself, although I will never be complete or without flaws, I can feel proud and accomplished and good to know that I did something hard for the better big picture).


I love Community Roots, and I feel so glad to have discovered such a willing and head-strong organization that is innovative in the concept of creating a community willing to look deep inside and tackle some of the personal issues that prevent social justice from being served. I feel instantly connected to this groupd of people--and for that opportunity to feel connected and comfortable with so many people without really knowing everything about them--for that I am so thankful.

The opportunity I've been given to create my own major and really channel my energy and sponge for learning is such an incredible outlet and conduit to "be the change I wish to see in the world". The subject of third spaces/third environments (a place away from home, school, or work where people go to find both social and intellectual interaction in an open and liberating forum... i.e. coffeehouses, cafes, bookstores, the local corner store.. etc.) is so important to me and seems like a concentration through which I can really empower myself, and gain an education that will help me to make a great difference in this society. I feel so greatful to also have an extremely intelligent and gifted woman as my mentor who will guide me along the way, along with many of her colleagues who are in complete support of my pursuit and endeavors. I feel so encouraged and motivated and driven to discover truths that can lead to a more successful attempt at opening a place where the grandest and most enlightening experiences can occure!


All of these mind boggling opportunites are at my feet and I feel so THANKFUL that I see them with gratitude and excitement, wanting to really take advantage of every last chance.


It's totally up to me what I make of my life and my time here on this planet. It is up to me to make something of everything that is thrown my way. And I'm really trying to with all of my heart. Some days it's hard as hell to be motivated or inspired, and other days I fill with excitement and drive and energy... But everyday I am thankful to myself and to my parents and to my friends and to my boyfriend and to whatever greater power is out there, be it God or nature, that I am here wanting to DO GOOD. I am thankful for who I am and all of the things that lead me to myself and my place in the world. I am so thankful.


So I sing you a song of love and encouragement and strength to keep pushing and struggling and searching for questions and answers and more and more and more questions. I sing you a song of everlasting curiosity. Good day, my loves.

Rachael

Jump In!

This is not a time in my life to feel discouraged or overwhelmed with all of the visions and challenges I see for the future. This is a time to practice embracing the art of ACTIVISM. This doesn't just mean protesting or rallying for causes I believe in; this means Participating in the Actions that make dreams into realities. And for me this espcially means:

-making conversation with strangers
-keeping an open mind
-asking questions about everything
-taking the time and effort to discover more about injustices in the world and what I can do on a small scale to contribute to the greater cause
-doing hands-on community service
-building a diverse, interactive community of freedom, expression and activity
-joining forces with others on similar voyages and making a change by making it an open trend to partake in meaningful and beneficial experiences
-encourage others to rise from apathy through INVITING their participation; through creating an environment that makes others feel welcome

All of these things and so many more are marks to follow and embrace with passion and FUN... and now is the time!

I'm ready, I've begun, I'm beginning, I'm going.. it's on! Jump In, lovers.

what makes me happy?

it's been a while since i've had the motivation or spark inside of me to post something here on my little space of growth and freedom. does this mean i'm not growing, changing, experiencing the world in a different light? probably not. but that's a question worth exploring the answer to. maybe i haven't been in-tune with all of the growth that's been happening inside of myself lately.

nevertheless:


i've been tugging inside of myself lately, trying to draw some kind of conclusion about the way i've been feeling or the experiences i've been having at Maryland. . .i just don't know how much is coming out. i've been focusing a lot on academics, trying to make friends here, and trying to balance those things while maintaining my beautiful relationship and friendships that are far away. while all of these things are important and necessary and good things to be doing, i feel like i've been losing sight of a special drive and creativity that lurks within me to act passionately in making a difference. as a member of CIVICUS i participate in lots of different community service projects that are all for good causes, but they're also all other people's creations.

this is what i'm currently processing through based on this weird inertia i've been feeling (or at least felt today):

i'm really learning a lot about myself by being here. i'm learning what i have to do to be happy with my life and myself, and so much of that depends on personally creating/inventing something that can be beneficial to others.
so much of that depends on the opportunity for me to be a good friend to others and offer advice when needed or just be there to listen or learn from them.
so much of that depends on partaking in meaningful experiences that teach me more about who i am or challenge who i think i am.
so much of that depends on straying from drama and petty concerns of others.
so much of that depends on challenging myself to be a better student and learner.
so much of that depends on maintaining the long-distance relationships i'm in.
so much of that depends on gaining as much independence as i possibly can.
so much of that depends on learning how to relax about the things i'm not good at or feel uncomfortable doing and just try my best.
i'm learning that to be happy with my life and myself i have to keep discovering myself and constantly stay true to that discovery.

and yeah, it's not easy at all. there are all types of people or places or ways to give in to what others are or expect you to be. but my expectation of myself and what i want to be has to be my first priority. and i'm learning to make it that.



and i'm proud of myself for all that's developing. and i'm really glad that i just took the time to sort through where i feel like i stand and where i want to be, because that's all part of the process that leading me to the best places inside of myself.

i'm off to write my proposal for individual studies (casual third environment studies-cultural, social, and managerial issues in the casual third environment)... basically, my footprint on the world and attempt at creating beauty in casual social interaction.

have a wonderful night
with so much love,
rach