For Living in the NOW

I can lose so much by creating a strict route for myself and hesitating to venture down other's paths. I can also lose so much by completely surrendering to love and blurring the vision of my own direction.

But the beam of balance is not impossible to walk. This I am learning with every inhibition I free, and every step I take through the permission of my intuition and heart. And it's so refreshing.


On a similar but different note, I've been thinking a lot about...well about the layers of my mind I've been working with to wake myself up to my present reality.

Renewal can be like that--like stepping into a an old pair of jeans but seeing a new YOU in the mirror wearing them. You wonder if you can pull them off in a way that's daring, stylish, and brave, but still that same comfortable fit. And then eventually, when you or someone else finally knocks some sense into ya', you realize the answer is yes. Yes-you can pull off feeling different, and feeling good. Yes-you can pull off feeling free, young and vibrant in the same pants you've worn for years (you know, the ones so worn that a hole is forming where your legs rub together). Yes-you can change, without having to change your pants. (Even those pants--the pants with the holes!)

But sometimes, even despite your mind's inspiring realizations, your intuition tells you to take off your pants and throw on a dress (or just go naked!).  And that's okay, too.


I'm finally learning that all of the world won't conspire and spin just to guarantee my so-called-wonderful life-plan works out. Even after I've measured things to the T and positioned everything so that there's no way the plan would fail, the most unexpected and flat-out unbelievable fluke could happen--I myself could be the very thorn in my own damn back ruining my own perfect plan. Or better yet, and less dramatically pessimistic and self-loathing--experiences could happen to me, perfectly by chance, that are beautiful and raw and not neatly drawn into my blue prints. Who would have thought?


And so it goes: I hereby announce that I am tossing the plan out the window. (Maybe not 100%. I mean, after all it *is* written on toilet paper and I *am* still holding onto the end of the roll. But damn it!-the foot after foot of fantasies that become expectations that become necessities written in stone in order to feed and please my soul don't have to be what I wipe my ass with every single day. I could just get some BLANK TOILET PAPER!) So like I said--out the window it goes. My mind will be more free of preconceived requirements, and more open to listening to my heart's intuition. To the best of my ability, that is. After all, I don't want to make any plans...