i want to write a book of stories that make my life make sense, because for me, finding a way to tie everything together in words, somehow makes my experiences more real, valid, and meaningful. sometimes it takes my recreation of the event for me to believe and actually feel what happened. and i love when i can recreate an experience with a more thorough perspective and beautiful imagery. this, i am truly passionate about.
i want to love slowly and honestly and intimately and shamelessly and fearlessly. but these are big wants. so instead i just want to love naturally, letting the love lead me, not trying to lead the love.
these two wants aren't the image of a daughter tugging at her father's pant leg with a pouting lip begging "pleeeaaaseee" for a toy she doesn't even need. they're a grown woman walking in a pants suit (or hippie skirt), independently investing in a company that she not only believes in, but that she is a part of, and that is also part of her.
these two wants exist because they are a part of me that i love and feel good embracing, not because i think they might make me happy if i can do them. i must do them because they are authentic to who i am. it's in realizing what is authentic about who we are that we can be exposed to our passions. for a while, i kept wondering and searching for so many pieces of my life. i followed the voices of society that urged, "find your passion", "find your religion", "find your voice in writing", "find youself". the funny thing is, that voice didn't tell me that I usually don't have to look far to find these things... because they're mine.
in searching for myself and my passions, i forgot to look at the very obvious priorities and practices that i've been keeping my whole life: a journal and close relationships with loved ones. these things are stitched into the dearest parts of my heart. i'm sure they're accompanied by other things that fill my soul--but i have yet to see those things clearly. for now, i'm glad to rest from my searching, knowing that searching won't help me find myself, only being myself will.
what wants are authentic to who you are?
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