Sometimes I feel as though I lack the space or community or means by which I will find the things I'm looking for within myself, my beliefs, and my journey in this world. Sometimes I'm not really sure what I'm even looking for to begin with... but I know something's missing and I can't place a name or label on it. I'm left with this itching void and the question of what's causing the void and what could possibly fill it up.
Lately, I've been interested in some kind of greater spiritual journey--a sense of understanding "what life's all about". Asking the big questions and finding some sort of fulfilling answer. Not necessarily an end-all be-all answer, because I don't really believe that there's a such thing... but an answer that works for me. I find my indecision getting in the way of claiming any set of beliefs to be my own without offering the contrary opinion or claiming that I could very well be mistaken.
Although, a lot of me feels like at this point in my life that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm not supposed to have things figured out. I'm supposed to question, struggle, contradict, and question some more. The real difficulty--or what I find an extra struggle in this process--is feeling like SOME things ARE figured out...or more figured out than others... and the consistency of the "figured out" aspects takes away from my ability to focus on the less-understood demensions of my life. It's as though I need my whole life to be completely desheveled to feel like I can actually figure ANYthing out.
But in mentioning this it really makes me think that's not the case at all. Rather, I should have some kind of discipline to follow through on my questioning as well as a discipline to seperate the struggles I'm having in my life from the aspects that bring me joy.
Has anyone else experienced similar feelings/thoughts? Anyone come out on top? Have any advice?
I'm glad to be seeking out a greater sense of community and "social capital" as Robert Putnam would call it. Perhaps that will help fill the void. Or at least help me understand it.
Nevertheless, this life is beautiful for the opportunity to think and feel and connect to other people. Today is a gorgeous day. I'm about to take a run with a new friend which I'm sure will be refreshing. I hope you find some kind of joy in the day.
Love,
Rachael
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Rach, you've hit on two things I can't agree more with. We all need something to fill that void, and we all need to "live in community" (this is a sort of buzz word in certain circles, but it's true). But I dont think the latter will fix the former, I think only God does that, which is why the void is there in the first place. Of course, I don't always let him fill the void, and I try out things that some part of me thinks will fill that void better, but that's me being sinful. I digress.
Oh, and life is beautiful.
-Tim Milligan
Post a Comment