Caught Off Guard

The chill pleasantly caught me off guard today. Apparently it caught us all off guard as well, as I saw people rushing around in clothes too light for the weather, scurrying from class to class, warm building to warm building. In these moments I found myself walking especially slow, excited and eager to watch how together, we were ALL caught off guard, experiencing the smallest burden in unity.

Suddenly, I'm filled with scurrying memories of the people of my past who helped me to get where I am (literally, figuratively, and beautifully) today. I wanted to walk as fast as I could up to the doors of each of these persons and KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK... "Hi there! It's Rachael! Your long lost friend! I still love and think about you all of the time! Tell me your deepest thoughts and feelings." The chill brought an urgency that I could not keep up with no matter the pace I walked.

I've been meaning so much to write Love Letters to all of these people... I even DID! But I have yet to send them as they sit dusting over on my shelf. (WHY???... Have no fear, today's the day!)

My life lately has been like a cold day that catches me off guard, and I'm left with nothing to do but scurry around. Where did the time for reflection, feeling, expression, and heartfelt daydreams go? Maybe today was symbolic. Maybe today encapsulated the lulling moments in which I allow myself to feel expressive and soak in all that's beautiful around me, despite the urge to rush to whatever's next on my busy agenda. I certainly believe that those moments can be found, and perhaps I'm on the right track.

I had a wonderful guest speaker in one of my classes today who shared her wise views of how to live a meaningful life. When it came to "Modeling the Way" (practicing what you preach), she talked about living life in "satisfying proportions." In this day and age, there is so much emphasis on living a balanced life, but the trick is, you have to make the balance work for YOU. I feel like this entire semester that's been my exact struggle. So much to tend to with only so many hours in the day, and the importance of figuring out what proportions will meet my personal needs and satisfy my soul and heart. I tell you, it's been hard, but I've been finding the middle ground. For example, letting myself wander on a off-guard chilly day, and examine the beauties of my mind and world.

Jeeze! Seems like a lot to work on from day to day. But really, why else are we here thrown into this thing called life? We're here to make what we're given work... We must tend and water and nourish our gardens of life until buds turn into blossoms that later we can enjoy with ease and gratitude. Yes, it's a large commitment--the one we have to ourselves--but in my opinion, the commitment most worth keeping.


I've felt extremely lucky lately, despite such a jam-packed schedule, to have amazing and meaningful interactions with some of the most beautiful people out there. I'm learning what it means to be a truly incredible person through so many of my peers, teachers, and mentors. I'm excited for the moment that I find to curl up with warm blankets and my journal in a candle-lit room, and just let myself CRY and RELEASE all of the emotions that have been forming spirals inside of me. Not that they're necessarily bad, but when they build up, the only real way they seem to release is through tears. And I personally like this method!

I must go for the night. Studying calls my name. I love you all so very much. Thank you for the insight and wisdom you share with me everyday. It's true--I soak it in like the most grateful sponge that exists.

Fondly,
Rachael